Secrets: Miss Cheapist will never tell...

Remember when friendships were defined by our ability to divulge everything? The sign of a true friend was someone you with whom you could unload all your secrets: vices, sexual preferences, hidden mistakes, family scandals, and all other unspeakables in between. Miss Cheapist formed an unexpected bond with a college classmate named J. after he disclosed his dirty little secret. Before that, their relationship had not extended beyond witty party banter and academic de-briefing. But one day, after a particularly charged class about “historical trauma,” J. pulled her aside and admitted that his high school research of family roots yielded the discovery of a slaveholding past, quite a source of shame given his liberal, open-minded ways and his family’s commitment to civil rights. Later he also admitted to being strangely attracted to women of color, and felt guilty about it, hoping that he wasn’t objectifying them for their “otherness.” Although there was probably no connection between the two secrets, his ability to articulate and admit both these things seemed to seal their friendship for life. Although Miss Cheapist has broken her promise in the name of online self- promotion, it’s important to note the point made here. Someone who is openly racist is completely déclassé, but someone who recognizes the contradictions of their views, and knows when to conceal, and when to share, was highly evolved. What self-awareness! The fact that they attended college in the era defined by “political-correctness” made his frankness all the more courageous.

But somewhere between elementary school and our early twenties (when Carrie and SATC brunch buddies set the norm on sharing), an unexpected discretion has taken over. Friend M. recently mentioned this culture of secrecy to Miss Cheapist, wondering how it was possible to have genuine friendships when everything from money to pregnancy seemed suddenly off-limits. In a variety of social settings, her questions meant to show sincere personal interest were received with off-putting comments and a huffy wall of silence. Did her behavior suddenly take a turn for the socially inappropriate or had people become too sensitive? If the latter is true, it seems a shame that friendships no longer require us to share our responses to life’s various passages, both celebratory and tragic. Clearly no one wants to unintentionally alienate their nearest and dearest, but Miss Cheapist suspects there is some benefit to secrecy or at least some reason for this new cheapness of candor!

To further investigate this matter, Miss Cheapist probed her friend N., who still believed in the comfort of a long phone conversation and the healing power of confessionals. Always known for her insight and her pithy one-liners, N. theorized that people are keeping secrets for a number of reasons. 1) They are making a lot of money and they don’t want one anyone to know. 2) They aren’t making money or feeling professional fulfillment and want no one to know. 3) They are desperately unhappy and are ashamed about it, either because they suspect friends will minimize their feelings or feel they are far to fortunate to be so miserable. Given all these different limitations, it is no surprise friends aren’t talking...if N. is right, somewhere between the concerns of both the blessed and the scorned, everything has become taboo! With this explanation, it’s clear that withholding is not personal, or a statement of ones trustworthiness. Instead, secrecy has become a coping mechanism, a testament to the power of denial. After all, if we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist. Miss Cheapist thinks something's gotta change.

The Formula for Good Fortune

Just a few months in and tragic events have revealed that the Year of the Rat has been most unlucky. Miss Cheapist finds herself reeling from deaths of two significant figures in her life, trying to make sense of seemingly unpredictable cycles of fate. Shortly after the Lunar New Year, Miss Cheapist held a small dumpling party and then set off to a vacation in Akumal, Mexico. The vacation was long awaited, and one of the few in recent years that did not require her to fulfill any obligations or accommodate the needs of others. In effect, it was the first “selfish” trip that she and her partner had taken since their nuptials two years earlier (i.e. no weddings to attend or family in attendance)…quite a luxury indeed. Not that they were complaining; the past few years had granted them great fortune: a blowout island wedding, generous support from loved ones, and several subsidized family vacations (as documented in this blog). Actually, there were moments where Miss Cheapist really didn’t believe she deserved any of it, and felt that with the excess of good fortune, there would be some kind of ‘correction,’ when the proverbial ‘other shoe would drop.’ She tried to commit a few good deeds in an effort to compensate for the footprint of indulgence that she was leaving behind. Gratuitous, yes, it seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. You see, in spite of her complaints about expensive urban life and her sense of entitlement to the accoutrements of a neo-Gilded Age NYC, Miss Cheapist secretly felt quite blessed.

So when they received the call informing them that a parent had suddenly died on their first day of the vacation, it seemed that it was their turn to experience something unimaginably unfortunate. Although the two were no strangers to unexpected deaths and familial loss, their previous streak of good luck and their unwavering desire to take a vacation on their own, as well as the eternal nature of their parents made this loss seem particularly unjust. In those first days of shock, so much was uttered in grief, and even more they feared to say out loud. It was at this time when the natural feelings of their own special-ness surfaced, the sense that bad things could not possibly happen to good people. After all, this can’t be our life.

Without organized religion or coherent faith in a higher being, it seemed that the universe was guided by a nameless cheap bastard who only doled out happiness in small servings, and decided quite arbitrarily and prematurely whose turn was next. For the believer, one might similarly wrestle with the deeper meaning of loss, and yet might find comfort in the fact that “everything happens for a reason,” that human beings do not belong to the world of the living, but instead are gifts from God, spending time on earth for a limited time to leave an imprint, but little more. And of course, there is the belief that the deceased enter a world where they feel no suffering, a place that we can’t even pay to get into.

Miss Cheapist may be entering the dangerous territory of uninformed religious interpretation, so she will pause, only to say that in a time period when faith is consumable and believers can vote with their feet, all these points of view were examined in the process of grieving. Even superstition and a curiosity about “crossing over,” were entertained. Dreams were interrogated for deeper messages from the dead, and Miss Cheapist wondered if we receive clues that our lives will be cut short. In effect, do some live larger because they know even more than others, that nothing lasts forever? Should we all just try to live excessively, and throw caution to the wind? Or is caution necessary to prevent accidents and injury? In a world that seemed so possible to control and organize, Miss Cheapist saw all the patterns recede and the equations of fate impossible to balance. Although it was just two months ago that all this happened, time stopped and stretched thin, and Miss Cheapist remained in the world of the living, wondering just what the future held.

Chinese for a Week: Happy New Year!

Today Manhattan’s Chinatown was abuzz with activity, and Miss Cheapist appreciated it all with the gaze of an Orientalist. There was nothing more satisfying than seeing her own culture as an outsider and preserving it into idealized images, frozen in time. She embraced everything: gold paper glittering from sidewalk stands, a woman carrying plum blossoms wrapped in brown paper, burnt reds of roast duck hanging from windows and customers crowding the markets in search of fresh produce for Thursday’s feast. Chortles of new year greetings rang across alleys and doorframes. Merchants even happily allowed Miss Cheapist to photograph their colorful interiors.

To beat the February blues, Miss Cheapist recommends throwing a Lunar New Year party, if only for an excuse to experience the bargains and festivity of a Chinese supermarket. Her favorite one-stop store for first-timers is "Dynasty" at the northeast corner of Hester and Grand streets. All kinds of supplies can be found here. You can also wander around the area to supplement what you buy there. For any Lunar New Year party, you can find the following items (with preparation suggestions):

Dumplings (a category unto themselves): You can buy different varieties of frozen dumplings and play them off as your own creation, or make them from scratch. The very adventurous can make their own skins; but fresh dumpling skins are found in every grocery store. Round skins are for fried/steamed dumplings (gyoza) and the square ones for won tons. Communal dumpling making is a delightful way to entertain guests, popular in China, especially in the North. You can easily find dumpling recipe online, but remember to always include these ingredients when you create the filling: white pepper (grind the peppercorns whole), Shaoxing cooking wine, a couple tablespoons of cornstarch (so the meat doesn’t become dry), green onions (minced), and Chinese dark soy sauce ("Kikkoman" will not cut it for this dish). If you don't like pork, experiment with shellfish, or ground turkey and chicken, but make sure you use lots of cornstarch and season appropriately. Go light on the sesame oil--just a few dashes will be enough.

The Sauces/Dried Goods Section:

While you are in the sauce section, pick up Japanese rice vinegar and oyster sauce to mix together for a dumpling dipping sauce, and for guests who like to prove their mettle with spicy foods, choose the funkiest hot-sauce you can find on the shelf. Many prefer the Vietnamese brand Siriacha, but Miss Cheapist likes something darker, chunkier and oilier. Other condiments to try are chive oil, peanut sauce and hoisin. In these aisles, you will find many instant marinades to experiment with as well. Each bottle is usually between $1 to $2, so it's worth it to try things out. In light of recent scares, avoid sauces made in mainland China, go for those bottled in Taiwan, Hong Kong, California or New Jersey. Read the fine print! After all, it should be in English.

Stock up on tea, and remember to serve after the meal. Miss Cheapist likes to buy tins of loose leaf oolong, jasmine and green tea. She also likes chrysanthemum tea with a touch of honey, but word on the street is bugs creep their way into the dried flower during the drying and bagging process. Drink at your own risk.

Frozen Food Section:

The scallion pancake: it's a crowd pleaser and you don’t have to make it from scratch. Pick up a frozen package, and fry in a cast iron pan or wok with generous amounts of oil. Cut into triangles with cooking shears, and use the same dumpling sauce.

Edamame/Soybeans: Although corner greengrocers north of Grand Street charge about $3.00 for a bag, you can find sacks (even the shelled variety) of these tasty morsels for at least a dollar less in Chinatown. Stock your freezer!

Sweets: Frozen mochi balls ("tong yun") with red bean or black sesame centers can be quickly boiled and served in a jasmine ginger tea broth for a delicate and surprising dessert. This section also contains Asian flavored ice creams and sorbets. Miss Cheapist likes corn and green bean popsicles, but they are hard to find. Some have stated that Chinese cuisine suffers from a paucity of quality desserts, but that is just not accurate. For more sweets, check out a Chinese bakery. Miss Cheapist likes Fay Da, a bakery with many locations in Manhattan Chinatown and Flushing. More tips on navigating a Chinese bakery later...

Meats: Some grocery stores will have small, affordable trays of thinly carved meats which can be used for a Korean BBQ dish or shabu shabu (hotpot) dinner options.

Fresh Produce: Greens and Fruits
Many different types of greens can be found in an Asian grocery store. Most have made it into mainstream Western diets, so the novelty may have worn off for readers. But to state the obvious: the bittersweet, crisp flavors of these dark veggies make wonderful additions to dishes, or can be served on their own: mustard greens, baby bok choy, gai lan (looks like a slightly larger broccoli rabe), oong choi (looks like watercress)… And don’t forget to spice up your dishes with the herbs: scallions, chives, and cilantro. All these greens are incredibly affordable in Chinatown. To prepare, Miss Cheapist's mother recommends shaving off the tough edges of the greens, chopping them into smaller pieces, and then boiling a few tablespoons water in the pan with dashes of vegetable oil and soy sauce. When the water bubbles, blanche the greens with the cover on until they are still crunchy but well done. Partway through the cooking process, add cooking wine, salt and white pepper. Remove water before everything becomes soggy.

At the end of the meal, you can also serve a medley of exotic fresh fruits such as lichee, long an (see mystery fruit in first picture), durian, fresh tangerine, persimmon or asian pear. Or just stick with an old standby--oranges, served cut against the grain, with skins intact. Fruits at the end of the meal are believed to ease digestion and cleanse the palate.

Prepared Foods:
To kick it up a notch, or to avoid cooking, buy 2 pounds each of roast duck, char siu (BBQ pork) and soy sauce chicken from the prepared foods section. This should cost you no more than $35.00 and you can serve about 20 people with these amounts.

While this guide is by no means comprehensive, it is a start. For every party, remember to decorate with red and gold, invite a diverse group of friends, and make sure everyone has enough to eat and drink! There will be no cheapness in hospitality…bad luck ah.